Bonnie appears on the "50-foot billboard" near Baltimore's Penn Station in a memorial tribute on the second anniversary of her death. Her photographs were streamed between commercial ads on the digital display for a week in 2017, and rerun -- along with images of her -- at her husband's request by the advertising company Shanklin Media on March 11, 2023.

 The Final Journey

(This blog entry was the last written by Bonnie J. Schupp before her life was taken by pancreatic cancer on March 11, 2021. It was found in March 2024, as the lone post residing in her other blog where it evidently had been published by Bonnie on Jan. 16, 2021 -- rather than here on her Journeys blog. It is now posted here by Bonnie's husband, David M. Ettlin, who continues to manage her literary and photographic legacy.)

January 16, 2021

 Numb. I seem to be entering the final stage of my life full of numbness. Last night I awoke from a deep sleep, unable to determine how I was feeling. Was I too warm or too cold? Was I bloated or did I just need to roll over to the other side? Was I in pain or feeling empty?

This is the fourth day since I learned that my body has been invaded with cancer. Sitting calmly in the examination room with Dr. Wolf, his PA James and David, it did not hit me like the proverbial  ton of bricks. Instead, it hit me with a flick of a feather.  

I had been in MedStar Harbor Hospital at the end of September, admitted through the ER because of abdominal pain. After a plethora of tests, it was determined that I had gall bladder stones and needed to say goodbye to my gall bladder, which I did in two weeks. After that surgery, for a while I was good again, riding my bike and walking.

Then the symptoms and pain began again. Constipation, lower intestinal pain, fatigue. I saw Dr. Wolf who sent me for more tests. Did I mention that when I was in the hospital in September, besides a bad gall bladder, there was a spot on my pancreas? The doctor compared three scans from the past year. The first showed no spot. The second showed a foreign spot. The third showed that the invasive spot had grown rather quickly. Diagnosis—aggressive pancreatic cancer.

While gastroenterology Dr. Wolf and James told me about the new status of my body, I remained calm.

“What do I need to do next?” Of course I was thinking about how can we fix this but, at the same time, understanding it may not be able to be fixed.

“Well,” I smiled behind my Covid mask. “I can’t complain about my life. We’ve traveled to every state in the country and many other countries including Japan three times, once on a Fulbright. We’ve raised two wonderful daughters. I’ve had a good ride.”

Dr. Wolf said gently, “You have a rough ride ahead of you.” He arranged for me to see an oncologist at the Tate Cancer Center at University of Maryland Baltimore-Washington Medical Center, a short drive from our house.

That first hour of the news, I calmly accepted it. In fact, I knew it was serious when both James and Dc. Wolf were in the room with me. This feeling was fortified when I asked if David could come in the room (which was not allowed during these Covid times), Dr. Wolf immediately volunteered to meet him at the front door and bring him back to the room.

It’s interesting that since I turned 76, I’ve been thinking about death a lot, partly in remembering Mom’s death when she was 76. I was with her when she took her last breath. I thought that if I could make it beyond age 76, I might have a chance to go on more adventures from my bucket list.

And lately, I've felt strange sensations. While in my bedroom, often stretching and meditating, I would feel a clump of my hair move by itself, with no help from wind or me, or the shifting of light and shadow on the wall.  It almost felt like a ghostly presence trying to comfort me. Call it what you will—an altered state or imagination or something beyond my ability to understand—I felt it and thought of my father and his last journey with Parkinson’s Disease.

My life has been full of journeys and I am about to embark on the final chapter of mine!

 

(David's note: About the time Bonnie was working on this post, her desktop computer had a meltdown. Our computer savior, owner of Odyssey Computers in Glen Burnie, Maryland, had a new custom computer assembled in a few days so that Bonnie could finish work on a two-year project that now had the grimmest of deadlines: Her memoir.  She finished writing it just three weeks before leaving us. She included among her last wishes that I edit, select and add photographs, and publish through Amazon what turned out to be a 219-page book, "Curious Possibilities."

Months later, I found in her computer five diary-like notes written in the first days after her diagnosis that included her views on mortality, and what comes after; how she was not ready to die, but at least had a wonderful life without regrets. She said nothing about fear... not in those notes, not ever to me. And we talked a lot over the course of five weeks, about our 42 years together and about her last wishes, before Bonnie's physical strength noticeably diminished. There was nothing left unsaid between us. 

The other wishes were for a party rather than a funeral (held seven months later, attended by some 165 friends and family), and that I continue selling her photographs. One of them was subsequently accepted for a national juried show of women photographers, and others have been exhibited and sold in area art shows. Bonnie's web site  bonnieschupp.com displays many of her photos. Costs for the domain and site are covered by royalty earnings from sales through Getty Images and its iStockphoto subsidiary, where Bonnie has a portfolio of some 2,300 images.

Although I was the professional writer in the family, having been a newspaper journalist for four decades, when it came to blogging it was Bonnie who was most prolific. Her Journeys blog has hundreds of posts here, preserving many moments in time. And there are her other books, notable among them "Dog Tag Poetry" (2012, Blurb Books) and "365 Gifts on Turning 70" (2016, Amazon).

Contact me at david.ettlin@comcast.net.  I also monitor Bonnie's Facebook page and her email at schupp9@comcast.net )

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Camera Lens Incites Paranoia (letter)

(In July, 2014, I wrote a blog about infringement on photographers' rights and, in particular, my experiences. These letters are part of the story.)

County Executive Laura A. Neuman

44 Calvert St.

Annapolis, MD 21041

Director Rick Anthony

AA County Recreation and Parks

1 Harry S Truman Pkwy.

Annapolis, MD 21041

Dear Ms. Neuman and Mr. Anthony:

This afternoon, during a low-key photography session at Downs Park with a fellow camera club photographer and two modeling friends,  we were approached by a park ranger and informed of "procedures for professional photographers" requiring pre-approval by the superintendent "for each occurrence." We were told that a concern was that professionals are making money by using the park setting. Please note that we do not pay our model friends nor do they pay us.

Having taken photographs at this park two miles from  my home for more than 30 years, and supported it through county property taxes and the purchase of county parks passes—annually at first, and in more recent years holding a lifetime seniors pass—I was disturbed at the implication that we were doing something requiring special permission.

Photography is one of the most popular pastimes in America, and these days people can take high-quality images with tiny cameras, phones and iPads—or, as we prefer in taking people pictures, with Nikon equipment and hand-held light reflectors.

This activity on a hot weekday afternoon, with relatively few visitors in the park, took place in a public area and did not restrict access to any area of the park by anyone.

I was handed a slip of paper listing "procedures for professional photographers"—although the ranger had no way of determining whether we were professional or amateur photographers -- except, perhaps, making an assumption based on the use of a hand-held light reflector.

The concerns listed note that activity cannot restrict public access—and, in fact, did not. It further states that "the Park Superintendent and/or ranking staff in his/her absence has authority to deny or halt any activity they deem inappropriate or a hinder to the general public at anytime with no explanation."  

I would like to know what was inappropriate about two female photographers—or, for that matter, any photographer—taking tasteful photos in a public park. Was the use of a light reflector inappropriate? Or was it, as one of our model friends wondered, the fact that they are African-American in a county park where diversity is rather minimal?

The "procedures" also state that the photographer and "clients" have to purchase permits or an entry fee to enter the park. Well, I have that. It covers the entry for my car and its passengers.

I often take my video camera and tripod to photograph nature in the park. Would this video camera with an external microphone and the use of a tripod (off the path) create suspicion? Would I need to notify the park every time I do this? I often do this on the spur of the moment, depending on weather and my schedule. Would I not be allowed to do this if the office were closed because it would be impossible to receive “pre-approval?”

While the ranger was polite and stated that the activity under way could continue on this particular visit, I object vociferously to the suggestion that this should ever require advance approval from the park superintendent.

I could see a concern should a movie crew turn up with a truckload of equipment -- but four people in a car, with two cameras and a light reflector? Where does that make sense?

The county parks system should be encouraging photography and all art, not interfering with it. What about an artist who might set up an easel and later sell those paintings of the park? Will this artist also have to jump through the bureaucratic hoops? If indeed I were ever to make some money from photos taken in the park, that would benefit the county—by increasing my local income tax.

I believe that Downs Park is a treasure. In the past I have taken hundreds, if not thousands, of images  of and at Downs Park. Before my retirement as a county teacher, I conducted student photography outings there. One book that I found on Amazon.com mentions Downs Park as influencing successful projects of my students. I have participated in park photo contests. When talking with friends, I have often credited Downs Park for helping me maintain balance while teaching middle school during the day, walking two miles on trails in the park and then going to graduate school at night. Obviously, today there was no balance for me at Downs Park.

Increasingly, I have seen growing government intrusion in ordinary and reasonable activity, and find that disturbing. It also makes me wonder whether county officials know who they work for.

Answer: The public.

I hope for a speedy response to my concerns.

Dr. Bonnie J. Schupp

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Response to my letter:

Dear Dr. Schupp:

Thank you for your letter of May 29, 2013 regarding your unfortunate experience with a park ranger at Downs Park concerning professional photography at the Park.

I appreciate you bringing this matter to my attention and I apologize for any inconvenience this has caused you. Unfortunately, there have been many issues at Downs Park with professional photographers setting up shop at the Park for profit. I agree that Park Rangers and Park Superintendents should use better judgment regarding this matter, and I have informed the Chief of Parks Operations to meet with the Parks’ staff and instruct them to use more discretion for the casual photographer.

Again, thank you for bringing this matter to my attention and for your many years of support. We look forward to you returning to the Park soon and often.

Sincerely,

Rick Anthony

Director

cc: County Executive Laura Neuman

Day 339 Lens Lessons

November 13, 2015

(If we live with an open and grateful attitude, every day will bring a gift. This is one of 365 gifts during the year I turned 70.)

 

An early art photo I took with a simple Kodak camera when I was in my early teens. I positioned my younger sister in front of a white sheet that was backlit by a floodlight from a hardware store. I cut out stars, punched a hole in them and hung them in front of the sheet. I am grateful to my sister Jaymie for being a patient model for her novice sister photographer.

A friend recently asked me about my art, what I enjoy and what influences me. I am grateful for these questions because they make me stop and think. 

I got my first camera when I was in second grade, a Kodak Duaflex camera. It took 620 roll film that I had developed at a corner store in the neighborhood. To take photos, I held the camera at my waist, looked down into a viewfinder and then snapped the shutter. It was a simple camera but there were two controls for the shutter—instant and long (time exposures). It also had a double exposure button and a tripod mount. Not bad for a simple, basic camera.

Today I started thinking about what photography has taught me, beginning with second grade.

• I have learned the importance of balance between light and dark.

• I have learned that memories and recording them as part of my history help me maintain another type of balance.

• I have learned to try taking new perspectives and looking at life in different ways—including an ant’s eye-view and a birds-eye-view.

• I have learned there can be much to gain by taking chances and experimenting.

• I have learned that “selfies” or having others take your picture will help you learn more about yourself.

•  I have learned to laugh and have fun while creating.

•   I have learned to communicate not only with words, but also through images.

These lessons were not limited to photography but are a real part of important life lessons that have made a difference to me.

My gift today is photography's  life lessons.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~­  

> Day 340 Song for Unity

You can find links to my other posts on this project here:
http://bjschupp.blogspot.com/2014/12/365-gifts.html