Day 194 Hipparella Cinderotamus

June 21, 2015

(This is part of a 365 project during my 70^th years where I write and illustrate a blog on each day’s gift.)

Father's Day 1982(?)

Thirty-five years ago, after my first marriage broke up, I was dating several men and enjoying a transition in my life. One of these men was David. He wrote poems and long letters to me and delivered them to my mailbox after he got off from work nights at The Sun. Once I found a unicorn at my door. It’s not surprising that I sensed there was something special about this man.

These sensitive, romantic and quirky things might have endeared him to me, but what really clinched our relationship was when his young daughter and her stepsister visited us from Florida. I had known David before as a crazy neighbor who lived in the apartment below mine, but I had never seen him in his father role before.

I saw his excitement at their arrival, how he brushed long tangled hair, how he made face plates for meals and how he planned everything for their enjoyment. It never seemed to be merely a chore or responsibility for him. His love was obvious.

I believe that how fathers treat children says more about a person than anything else does. What I observed made me sure of the right choice for a future partner and father to my child. It has proven to be a good choice. We had a daughter together and then his daughter moved in with us. Within a year, I became a mother twice.

As our daughters grew up, David played Candyland and Chutes & Ladders with them, packed school lunches, went on amusement park rides with them, did silly things that made them laugh. He made me laugh as I listened to him tell bedtimes stories of Hipparella Cinderotamus and windshield vipers. But, most important, our daughters know that their father loves them unconditionally. That is the greatest gift any father can give to his children. 

My gift today is life with a man who is a good father .

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> Day 195 Disconnect to Connect

You can find links to my other posts on this project here:

http://bjschupp.blogspot.com/2014/12/365-gifts.html

Day 152 Happy Mother's Day

May 10, 2015

(This is part of a 365 project during my 70th year where I write and illustrate a blog on each day's gift.)

 

A family hike at Downs Park on a Mother's Day long ago. When my daughters asked what I wanted for Mother's Day, I said I wanted to go for a hike with them. That is more difficult now because of work schedules and distance but it is something I still want to do.

I became a mother twice within one year. In 1980, I gave birth to my daughter Lauren and in 1981, I gained stepdaughter Jennifer (now FL) who was 8 1/2. Today, I don’t differentiate. They are both my daughters.

Navigating the landscape of relationships and balancing needs, we struggled to build the architecture of our new family. Life as a new mother then was full of uncertainty and self-doubt. Should I have said yes when I said no? Should I have said no when I said yes? Balance was always a challenge—when to allow them to make their own mistakes and when to protect them.

With their father working nights, I was the parent they saw most frequently and the one who cared for them at night.  When I became a mother, I suddenly had to give up the freedom I knew before they arrived—the ability to spontaneously go for a ride on my motorcycle just because I felt like it, the freedom to be by myself. I became a better person because of this.

There were many valleys and hills in those days. Like when FL was caught in a lie, when she decided to call me Mom and the time she hid a message saying I love you in a puzzle box she gave to me. Like when Lauren told me she hated me, the first time she hugged me and said I love you, and when for her college essay about a hero she knew, she wrote about me.  

I am not one of those females who is a natural mother. I didn’t play with dolls when I was little like my sisters did. I didn’t make a fuss over babies and beg to hold them. I didn’t have jobs as a babysitter. My jobs were teaching and playing the piano or organ. Raising two daughters was a steep learning curve for me and, like any mother, I can only hope that I didn’t mess up too badly. I believe they turned out to be extraordinary human beings and have taught me some very important things:

• Children will be who they are in spite of who their parents would want them to be—and this is a good thing. 
• Over time, things that once were perceived as big things become little things—and vice-versa. 
• Love is a paradox—the more you give away, the more you receive. 
• Unconditional love is the greatest gift you can give your children and your children can give you. 

And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye. ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

 My gift today is love for and from my daughters.

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> Day 153   Splashing

You can find links to my other posts on this project here:
http://bjschupp.blogspot.com/2014/12/365-gifts.html